Texas Republicans just voted to allow their ignorance to go public by shipping a bill through committee that would allow the state to secede from the Union. The non-binding resolution has an “if” that would have to be defined and satisfied, but nonetheless it is a bill that outwardly calls for the reinstatement of the Republic of Texas as a sovereign nation.

The resolution will now go to the general assembly, the next step towards America becoming free from the idiocy of our biggest pain in the ass. The language is sketchy at best:

IF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTINUES TO DISREGARD THE CONSTITUTION AND THE SOVEREIGNTY OF THE STATE OF TEXAS, THE STATE OF TEXAS AND ITS PEOPLE SHOULD REASSERT ITS PRIOR STATUS AS AN INDEPENDENT NATION.
That leaves quite a few questions unanswered. Can the normal people who want a life not full of guns, abuse of women’s rights and paranoia that the feds are coming leave, or will there be a “yooooge” wall to keep them in. Can we have the immigrants you’ll be expelling or will they be required to go around your big shitty country to find real freedom? Will you grant visas to NFL teams or will the Cowboys just play 16 games a year against the Texans?

You can read all about why Texas Republicans want to leave the US and form a perfect republic where reality doesn’t matter, the economy runs on trucks delivering things from Texas to Texas and Jesus will always have a seat at the head of the table on the official Tea Party page, a gathering place for the Stupid Part of America.

To be fair, there are things that America would miss about Texas. We’d miss all the stories about insane Christian ministers who believe that killing all gay people is the key to salvation. We’d miss the reports of women looking to get safe and effective health care having to travel hundreds of miles for fear that someone might accidentally abort a fetus with first singing “Amazing Grace” to it and showing it’s host a picture of it to inspire incredible guilt. We’d miss the beautiful landscapes, windmills and solar panels millions of acres of ugly brown dirt and oil pumps as far as the eye can see.

Most of all, we would miss George W Bush. You will be keeping him and his library, won’t you? Perfect. Carry on.

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